After-church activities include kayaking, knitting and muff diving: Ordained Louisville minister offers free oral sex! [Dlisted]
A touching public service announcement: Lily Allen advocates cocaine in moderation. [Lainey]
Sarah Jessica Parker leaving Matthew Broderick? Should have known better than to trust that rascally Ferris Bueller. [Cele|bitchy]
Paris Hilton says she’s only had sex with “a couple” of people. Of course, that’s also all the higher she can count… [SOW]
Rihanna’s undercover limbo-dancing breasts. Also a great name for a Spike Movie of the Week. [Ayyyy!]
Kate Moss appears to be smoking and drinking beer for two. Awwww! Precious. [CelebWarship]
Britney Spears misses dance practices because she is insecure about her dance moves. Which is certainly a great way to hone that talent again! [POTP]
Carmen Electra has sex with coat hangers. In response to this admission, my vagina yelped, “ouch.” [Smack]
Scarlett Johansson chats about getting engaged, having kids, running a brothel — you know, the usual stuff – in Harper’s Bazaar. [PITNB]
Official statement from Jen’s rep:
“Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck gave birth to a healthy baby girl.”
Unofficial statement from Jen as guessed by Candy:
“Free at last! Thank God almighty, my womb is free at last!”
“Open your mouth, sleepy baby
And close your eyes
And my dealer will give you a coke-laced surprise!”
Continued »
On the heels of Jennifer Aniston’s necktie-covered breasts declaring Angelina Jolie’s comments to be “uncool,” Brad Pitt’s ’stache has decided to jump into the good-for-movie-publicity fray, defending his baby mama and ex-wife in one fell swoop.
(Honestly, I’ve grown tired of all three of them and their flapping gums, so making the saga a triangle between Jen’s Breasts, Brad’s ‘Stache and Angie’s Lips is much more entertaining for me. It’s like we have new characters!)
Brad doesn’t see what the big deal is about his affair with Angelina, telling W magazine:
“What people don’t understand is that we filmed ['Mr. & Mrs. Smith'] for a year,” he told the publication. “We were still filming after Jen and I split up. Even then it doesn’t mean that there was some kind of dastardly affair. There wasn’t. I’m very proud of the way that it was handled. It was respectful. [The film] will mean something to our kids. It will, that’s all.”
Fascinating, yes. Scandalous? Oh, hell yeah. But respectful…? Um, okay.
As for Jen’s much-publicized “uncool” remark, Brad doesn’t seem to be sweating it: “Listen, man, Jen is a sweetheart. I think she got dragged into that one, and then there’s a second round to all of that Angie versus Jen. It’s so created.”
Brad’s enlarged pores are expected to issue a separate statement on the Jen-Angelina situation later this week.
An actor reenacts Candy's outrage
This one is called “Trying Candy’s Patience Week.”
Long story short, I changed site hosts a little while ago because I’d outgrown my old one, and this turned out to be one of the worst mistakes in my blogging life. Not only has my site seemingly been down more than it’s been up, but I also seem to have lost all 15 or so of my stories from yesterday.
But enough of my whining. My cats tell me they’re sick of my tearful tirades.
I would just like to assure you, as my site host has assured me, that this should be the last of this nonsense. So please continue to stick around. I plan to post more stories a day in ‘09 — assuming they don’t disappear into the ether again — and have some other fun ideas in store to make this a kick-ass year on CandyKirby.com.
Moral of this story: Do NOT use WebHostingPad for your site needs. Also be sure to keep an oversized bottle of vodka by your desk.
xoxo,
C
Dec 30, 2008 | Tags: holy candy
Owen Wilson today declared January “Owen Wilson Awareness Month” to combat his longtime battle with people mistaking him for daytime talk show host Ellen DeGeneres.
MORE >>
Hey everyone,
I leave for not-so-sunny Hawaii tomorrow and, for once, am taking a break from reporting the latest on the status of Nic Cage’s weave to enjoy some much-needed R&R. Your usual pop culture programming will return on Monday, January 5.
Have a fabulous New Year!
Hugs, kisses and copious New Year’s Eve Mai Tais,
Candy
Now THIS is breaking news: For perhaps the first time since their divorce in 2005, Jennifer Aniston shared a headline with Brad Pitt without the words “LONELY!” or “OBSESSED WITH ANGIE!” or “JEALOUS!” entering it even once.
Jen’s canine drama Marley & Me — which I totally intended to see, but was too exhausted and, frankly, blinded from camera flashes after my day with the family — beat out Brad’s fantasy flick The Curious Case of Benjamin Button at the box office. According to preliminary numbers, M&M opened at No. 1 with $14.6 million in ticket sales (making it the best opening ever for Dec. 25) while TCCOBB set the record for the second-highest Christmas opening of all-time grossing $11.8 million.
Sure, our stock market may be tanking — and many Americans may be so poor, they’re bouncing food stamps — but at least the movie studios are getting richer! Can’t think of anyone more deserving.
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