Dear Jennifer,
You seem like a sweet girl. Probably not the kind of girl I could grab martinis with, as I suspect you get the giggles off a mere glass of champagne, but a girl who is genuinely thankful for her success. You also made Beyoncé and her armpits eat a healthy slice of humble pie, for which I am genuinely thankful. Lord, am I tired of seeing that woman get bootylicious on my television screen! Is there any product she’s NOT hawking right now?!
But I digress…
J-Hud… may I call you J-Hud? No? Okay, Jennifer… I understand how hard it is to break a habit. Trust me. I mean, I’ve been wearing hoop earrings every day for 15 years now. I have a whole jewelry box full of lonely, unused studs and dangly ones, but I always reach for those damn hoops. They just feel… comfortable. A rut I can’t escape. Much like your red carpet kisses, I’m guessing. It likely started with a photographer yelling, “Hey, Jennifer! Blow us a kiss!” and you haven’t been able to stop since. It’s a crutch. Because you don’t know what else to do with yourself. How long can you just stand there with hand on hip, à la Paris Hilton? Actually, I would recommend studying Paris’ red carpet poses. The woman’s head may be as empty as the Grand Canyon — and her privates as wide — but she does know how to give good, um, pose. And you really need a new one.
After all, not everyone appreciates unsolicited kisses. No matter what Andy Dick tells you.
Hugs and, PLEASE, no more kisses,
Candy
Cute pics! However she looks bored in the top
right pic, so i’m guessing she’s also tired of
blowing kisses.
And thank you Candy, for saying
December 12th, 2007 at 12:41 pmwhat everyone is thinking: Beyonce and AMEX?
Okay, all the celebrities are on that boat.
Beyonce and Armani? Okay, classy enough, plus i
love that song! But Beyonce and Direct TV?? Good
God Girl, shut the f*ck up!!!
Is she blowing kisses or saying:
December 12th, 2007 at 2:09 pm“Show me the money!”
That’s how Beyonce does it!
The blowing kiss thing also makes you look really stupid!!!
December 12th, 2007 at 2:46 pmyou should forward this open letter to Candy Spelling, the QUEEN of open letters. She’ll put an end to this madness!
December 12th, 2007 at 3:15 pm“Jennifer, I don’t know you, but I read about you everyday. As a Parent, I’m concerned…”
“The woman’s head may be as empty as
the Grand Canyon — and her privates
as wide — but she does know how to
give good, um, pose.”
Oh Candy, with this observation, you
December 12th, 2007 at 3:18 pmcement your place in the history of
clever remarks. As I’ve said many
times: You da Bomb!
Maybe it’s her trademark-
December 12th, 2007 at 5:08 pmkinda like when Carol Burnett would tug her ear…
She is definitely beautiful…but she needs some new moves. LOVED her in “Dreamgirls.” I rooted for her, cried for her etc….. She’s a beautiful talent, this one.
December 12th, 2007 at 6:59 pmCandy sounds jealous of the woman’s fame. Not everyone can be a Superstar Candy. Channel that “Green” energy into something more positive.
December 12th, 2007 at 10:05 pmTellin Ya What I ,
December 13th, 2007 at 12:54 amya ya,she looks very jealous:)) poor Candy.),by the way that is a humor site os celebrities,so if you haven´t got some,just move one to another blog,thank you!
Damn Karla, you need to go back to English class because you can’t spell. What is “os”? If you had a sense of humor, you’d know that I was just “ribbing” Candy. Duh!
December 13th, 2007 at 2:41 amCandy, Thanks for provide us with this letter. I consider it a gem like the Kennedy letters are also treasures.
December 13th, 2007 at 8:50 pm