Jennifer Garner Dodged a Bullet

Jan 15, 2008 | Tags:

And not just on Alias.

garner-cruise.jpg

Oh, boy. Now that this Scientology tell-all book has been published, the alien juice is really hitting the fan…

Before jumping on the couch to profess his love for Katie Holmes, Tom Cruise tried wooing Alias star Jennifer Garner, according to Andrew Morton’s new book. Tom reportedly had a list of women that he wanted to make Mrs. Cruise, including Scarlett Johansson (who could seriously be his daughter) and Jessica Alba — but Jen Garner may have been highest on the list.

Jesus Cruise left voice-mail messages for Jen in 2004 asking “if she knew what freedom was,” but, even with a smooth pick-up line like that, his advances were rebuffed.

How delightfully creepy! Here’s how I would have handled:

JESUS CRUISE: Hey, it’s Tom. Quick question for you: Do you know what freedom is?

ME: Sure! All we have to see/Is that I don’t belong to you/And you don’t belong to me.

JESUS CRUISE: You’re a George Michaelologist?! Oh no, this will never work between us…

ME: Better luck with Alba.

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    1. Michelle says:

      What a freak, ewww, and that picture of him that you have posted makes him funny looking!

    2. Jane says:

      Oh.
      My.
      God.

      Jesus Cruise” ???

      That is the funniest tag ever for this bat s**t
      crazy midget.
      What ever you do Candy, don’t look directly
      into his eyes!
      Xenu Rules All!

    3. Vern says:

      Hmmmmmmmmm! *hands in weighing options pose*
      Tiny Cruise……Handsome Affleck?
      What’s a girl to do?
      “What’s that? blah blah freedom?”
      Click!

    4. Simon Scowl says:

      Freedom’s just another word for no brain left to lose.

    5. Jo Jo says:

      She could have kicked his a$$ all over the place. And freedom is what you DON’T have if you’re Mrs. Tom Cruise.

    6. Jenn F. says:

      I heard about his shopping list before. He apparently asked Scarlett out for lunch, she went, and then next thing she new she was being interviewed by the Scientology higher-ups and having that shit shoved down her throat. Apparently she left abruptly.

      Poor Katie. Imagine finding out that you were choice #6 or 7 on your husband’s list. The fact that there even was a list.

    7. Jenn F. says:

      Whoops, pardon my typo.

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