Welcome to He Said, She Said, a column in which Circus Hour’s resident life coaches field readers’ most pressing e-mails with their trademark sensitivity. We’re excited to welcome this month’s guest columnists, London Spears and Charlotte Richards (formerly Charlotte Sheen-Richards), who address inquiries using their hard-earned wisdom.
DEAR LONDON AND CHARLOTTE:
I haven’t seen the light of day in months. Help!
shiloh_joliepitt@gmail.com
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TO SHILOH_JOLIEPITT:
LONDON: You think that’s bad? When your mom forces you to wear a pink wig and dance on your hind legs to “Cry Me a River” over and over again just to get a lick of her Frappuccino, then talk to me.
CHARLOTTE: Yeah, quit your whining. MY mom threatened to turn me into a pork chop when I told her I didn’t want to be on her reality show.
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DEAR LONDON AND CHARLOTTE:
How do I help the world see I’m the second coming of Jesus?
KanyeIsBiggerThanElvis@aol.com
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DEAR KANYEISBIGGERTHANELVIS:
LONDON: Based on what I’ve learned from all those papers that talk about my mom, I would suggest talking to Tom Cruise for pointers.
CHARLOTTE: I don’t know anything about that, but my old daddy always said blow-up dolls helped with coming.
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DEAR LONDON AND CHARLOTTE:
My frenemy just had a baby and EVERYONE is paying attention to her. It’s not fair! I miss the days when she was a fat nobody and the world revolved around ME. What can I do to remind the world how hot I am?
princessparis@vanityproductions.com
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DEAR PRINCESSPARIS:
LONDON: Trust me, nothing will get you noticed more than a freshly shaved head and untamed breasts that look ready to head for the border — in opposite directions.
CHARLOTTE: A nice roll in the mud always makes me feel sexy. You sound like a dirty girl who would enjoy the same.
can’t.stop.LOLLLING, thanks, putas<3
February 29th, 2008 at 12:30 pmyeah! i’ve missed this column. hilarious as always candy!
February 29th, 2008 at 12:37 pmlol
February 29th, 2008 at 1:49 pmCandy this is great. Next, you should have Helena Bonham-Carter’s daughter and Johnny Depp’s daughter give advice as a team.
February 29th, 2008 at 2:55 pmPoor Charlotte and poor, poor London.
Sad animal babies.
LOL funny….”in opposite directions” is true.
February 29th, 2008 at 4:57 pmThis is too freaking funny. Aunt J would like to see more of these too. Aunt J thinks Posh’s sons would have some good advice
February 29th, 2008 at 6:06 pmDenise Richards has a pet pig! HAHAHA! And Lol to “rolling in the mud makes me feel sexy”
February 29th, 2008 at 7:52 pmDenise has a pig? That’s the only cool thing i’ve ever heard about her.
March 1st, 2008 at 6:18 amFAB-ulous article…. perfect.
Stars like Deinise Richards and Pummela Lee and Paris Hilton oughtta try rolling in the mud, they might develop some personality. Mud is also good for the skin.
March 1st, 2008 at 6:19 am