Us Weekly features so many articles about Heidi Montag because:
1) Blonde fame-seekers with fake boobs are such a unique concept in Hollywood;
2) Ken Baker would like to take a ride on those Hills;
3) They needed something to replace their standard “Poor Jen Aniston Cries Over Brad and Angelina!” headlines;
4) “US” actually stands for “Ubiquitous Simpletons”;
5) None of the above. It’s because _______________.
I think they just wanted to tell us not to listen to any more of her music…
March 25th, 2008 at 3:55 pmshe sucked someone’s dick on the rag’s staff.
March 25th, 2008 at 3:56 pmi’m going with number 4.
March 25th, 2008 at 4:12 pmI’m going with Demon Kitty.
March 25th, 2008 at 6:59 pmWho? I’m sorry, except for the pic 14 did, I can’t for the life of me remember this chick.
March 25th, 2008 at 7:29 pmBecause they paid her for 2 covers that had minimal sales… The only reason I know this is because I put up magazines at an airport!!!
March 25th, 2008 at 8:20 pmwho / what the fuck is / a Heidi Montag? (excuse me, I’m Australian)
March 25th, 2008 at 8:28 pmFrewt-
March 25th, 2008 at 9:22 pmallow me to explain
Heidi Montag (hy-DEE MON-tag)- “Annoyionus idiotus”;Female; known by her peroxide locks, horse teeth, and every expanding breasts. It is impossible to facially recognize her, as her face changes form every few months. She is usually seen romping about in skimpy clothing, screeching her mating call (see “Higher”). She is oft times seen prancing about with Spencer Pratt(”idiotus maximus”), her male counterpart(See “Asshole”, “Idiot”, “Wanker”). She is the natural enemy of Lauren Conrad(”Fashionista Suckus”).
See also: Loser, Famewhore, Plastic surgery, Horse Racing, Feminist “Idols”
Frewt: She’s off this stupid “reality” TV show “The Hills”. I’m more interested in her sworn enemy off the show Lauren Conrad who was allegedly in a sex tape. Montag’s guy Spencer Pratt (appropriate name) wrote this long rant on his blog about Lauren Conrad and her “Beef Curtains”. Tragically the sex tape has yet to be made public. I have this shameful desire to see the maligned labia and determine if they are truly “BCs” or if another equally ugly term would be more accurate. Kind of like the time I was up at 2 am Googling to find a picture of WWF Wrestler Chyna Doll’s clitoris after I read that it was long and scary and looked like a miniature penis.
March 25th, 2008 at 10:24 pmWell come on Brit Bit,
don’t leave us ‘hanging’ as it were, WAS Chynna’s clit as big as a penis?
(Yes, I confess, I’m scared to look for myself and yet, I’d still like to KNOW, especially when you offer “equally ugly terms” to describe it)
Would it be big enough to “Smash the granny” out of someone?
ps-don’t be insulted if I can’t answer-more traveling, more family stuff.
March 26th, 2008 at 3:17 am5) None of the above. It’s because they are at a loss ever since Britney has calmed her shit down and is no longer shaving her head/exposing her crotch/getting bad weaves.
And what Demon Kitty said.
March 26th, 2008 at 3:49 amwell done Aine!! I don’t think it could have been put into better terms than that. Great Idea for a “Celebrity Dictionary”. Or in her case, the “Fame Whore Peroxide Lovin’ Dictionary”. I’m sure we could all find a few more people to fit into there, not just Speidi.
March 26th, 2008 at 5:14 amVern: here is a link to a Chyna Doll aka Joanie Lauer profile that includes pics of her “clenis” which resembles those horrid Vienna sausages used to make “Pigs in their Blankets” as served at births, weddings and funerals in the Spears household. It looks like it is smashing the Gramps out of an average-size penis in one pic. I’m sure it could smash the Granny out of someone as well. Maybe bicurious celebs like Brit-Brit and L-Lo could do a “tasteful” photo shoot with Chyna to demonstrate this ability.
http://www.rotten.com/library/bio/sports/chyna/
I’ll understand if you NEVER reply to me again after seeing this LOL
March 26th, 2008 at 8:28 pmHOT DAMN! Chyna’s clit really does look like a dick. I wonder if guys suck that thing like a real penis.
March 27th, 2008 at 6:56 amWhy, oh WHY did I click the link? *runs away, screaming*
March 27th, 2008 at 8:26 amAunt J votes for #4.
March 27th, 2008 at 11:07 amIt’s British Bitch, is that for real?!? Could it have been Photoshopped? Please please pleeeease tell me it was Photoshopped. *shuddering uncontrollably*
March 27th, 2008 at 12:06 pmI looked at it British Bitch and was horrified? Like Jenn, is that shit real, was it photo shopped? Did Chyna take steroids to buff up and grow a dick? Gawd. Ew! Barf! Blech!
March 27th, 2008 at 2:34 pmI don’t know if Photoshop was involved in the pics as they are stills from the “One Night in Chyna” sex tape (seriously, it’s called that). I had never considered that steroids could be the cause *shudder*. Further investigation would involve purchasing and watching the tape and I don’t think my nerves could take that.
Note to self: in future do not post pictures of Chyna’s Clenis without a legal disclaimer that contents are very disturbing.
March 27th, 2008 at 9:26 pm#4
March 31st, 2008 at 8:33 am