Which overly optimistic, porous television star has traded in sea living for bathhouse debauchery? He picks up “Bubble Buddies” in a Chelsea steam room with his impressive ability to absorb liquids and shift shapes, and with his creative use of a necktie, but has turned off more than a few conquests with his dangerously sharp buck teeth and refusal to take off his socks.
Aunt J thinks Squidward must be jealous.
April 1st, 2008 at 1:10 pmI like it when they leave on their socks.
But I’m confused… who is Misty Mangoes? Perhaps I’m just dense.
April 1st, 2008 at 3:07 pmi’m confused by misty mangoes too.
April 1st, 2008 at 3:19 pmOh no say it ain’t so. I never thought Spongebob would go all Hollywood like that. Next we will hear he is in rehab. What is this world coming to?
BTW, I agree Aunt J, Squidward is probably very jealous.
April 1st, 2008 at 3:42 pmMisty Mangoes sounds like something out of a textbook called “Publicity Whoring in the Twenty-first Century”. Her story is followed by a series of questions like, “If x = value of Misty’s photo, and y = number of A list celebrities willing to be seen with her, how much can X increase without diminishing Y?
April 1st, 2008 at 3:54 pmSeriously, would anyone recognize w/o the blaaack baaar???
Is it Punky Brewster? Nah…um. I’m outta guesses already
April 1st, 2008 at 5:54 pmI’m taking this with a whole shaker of salt as it’s April Fools’ day. I think Misty Mangoes is a Lindsay BLOWhan alter ego - she loves Gray Goose; I’m assuming the naked man turned out to be Samantha Ronson*. I hope SpongeBob finds true love with Tinky-Winky and the Tabloid coverage with captions like “Cute Couple Alert!” are forwarded on to Jerry Fallwell at his new address in Hell.
* Actually I’m just being bitchy there. I think Sam is real cute and I would definitely hit it.
April 1st, 2008 at 9:21 pmI agree, “It’s British Bitch,” Spongebob and Tinky-Winky would be an adorable couple.
I just hope they’re allowed to adopt… so they can raise a bunch of cute Winky-Squarepants children.
April 1st, 2008 at 10:33 pmAnna: yay, a gaggle of Winky-Squarepants children would be adorable.
April 2nd, 2008 at 1:03 amEwwwwww, IBB, Ronson looks stinky!
April 2nd, 2008 at 6:47 amPuppet: Ronson: nothing a good scrub down in a hot bath full of Lysol couldn’t cure, she has a cute face and nice bod. BLOWhan: 1) wouldn’t do it 2) Would require sand-blasting to get the layers of fake tan off 3) Possibly diseased.
April 2nd, 2008 at 12:25 pmI agree completely. Blohan is in my mind as disease-infested as Parasite Hilton, thus making her cringe-inducing rather than anything close to slightly appealing.
April 2nd, 2008 at 2:33 pmJenn F: Even BLOWhan’s publicist referred to her as “diseased”! Although that was in relation to her alcoholism, I think it was a Freudian slip as alcoholism is plainly a medical condition whereas Herpes is a disease. Pass the Valtrex.
April 2nd, 2008 at 4:07 pmMMMMM….. Fried oyster skins….
April 3rd, 2008 at 7:35 am