Giving New Meaning to ‘Sex Machine’

Looks like David Beckham has started a trend: Experts predict that humans are going to fall in love and have sexy time with robots by the year 2050.

Yes, thanks to computer programming and horny robotic engineers, robots will be almost indistinguishable from humans — they will have the same muscles, emotions, voices and, um, “talents.” In fact, sexually speaking, these so-called sexbots will have proven themselves superior to us.

“Love and sex with robots on a grand scale is inevitable,” according to David N.L. Levy, author of Sex with Robots: The Evolution of Human-Robot Relations. Which also happens to make a fabulous gift for that cousin who has a hard time landing a human girlfriend due to hobbies such keeping a moist toilette collection and saving unrefrigerated McDonald’s hamburgers in his basement. Not that I, um, have a cousin like that, of course.

“Love with robots will be as normal as love with other humans,” Levy continues, “while the number of sexual acts and lovemaking positions commonly practiced between humans will be extended, as robots teach us more than is in all of the world’s published sex manuals combined.”

And the benefits of robo-sex don’t end there! Which is why I’ve created a list of TOP 10 ADVANTAGES OF SEXBOTS:

10. Sexbots never “have a headache”;

9. Titanium significantly more effective than latex;

8. Also brews a mean pot of coffee, steams your clothes AND scans pictures;

7. Much better return on investment than Spitzer’s prostitutes;

6. No need to ask for their number — you can find it on the barcode;

5. They’re always hard… wired;

4. Won’t ask, “Where is this going?”;

3. Fulfills those C-3PO fantasies (Don’t look at me like that! He has a, um, quirky charm.);

2. Three words: No morning breath;

1. Just like a Sheetz deli sandwich, you can get it made-to-order.

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