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Welcome to the second edition of responding to that especially horny member of the family of women’s magazines, Cosmopolitan, as they reveal men’s “all-time favorite mattress moves.”
That’s right, ALL-TIME FAVORITES!
Here’s what they — and I — had to say:
RON: “My girl pretended not to want to kiss me. I had to use my tongue to pry her mouth open passionately.”
CANDY: Meanwhile, she was hoping you’d use Listerine instead.
IAN: “One time, my girlfriend suddenly lifted her leg up practically over her head, completely changing the angle of penetration. I saw stars.”
CANDY: Hmmm, “Ian,” are you sure your real name isn’t Vladmir Putin?
BART: “My ex would splash her tee shirt with water while washing dishes. As soon as I saw her nipples through the fabric, I’d have to touch them.”
CANDY: Perhaps she wouldn’t be your EX-girlfriend if you’d also touched the dishes from time to time.
GLENN: “This chick leaned against the dresser and stuck her butt out for doggie-style. I definitely obliged.”
CANDY: Damn, that Kim Kardashian really gets around!
Encouraging doggie style??? Man, Glen’s woman is hot!!!
April 18th, 2008 at 4:36 pmXD I love your comments, Candy! Can’t stop laughing
April 18th, 2008 at 4:51 pmAunt J loves this!
April 19th, 2008 at 1:10 amdid ron ever stop to think…that maybe she actually DIDNT want to be kissed?
April 19th, 2008 at 9:02 pmexactly aine. i guess if you use the words ‘passionately’ and ‘pretend’ everything is okay.
ron: “you see officer, my girl pretended not to want intercourse with me. so i had to use my arms and knees to pry her legs open passionately”.
April 20th, 2008 at 8:55 amROTFL @ Big Joe. Too true!
April 20th, 2008 at 6:24 pmRon is now in jail somewhere.
April 21st, 2008 at 10:38 amYeah, or he’s happily between somebody’s wide open legs!!!
April 21st, 2008 at 2:55 pmYou should be cloned and attached to every copy of Cosmo on the newsstands to inject snarky wit aloud between sentences. Just saying.
April 22nd, 2008 at 9:08 pm