Prior to today, the voices in my head sexual scientists have asserted that two kinds of people can always get laid: undiscriminating chicks and movie stars. However, thanks to the selfless field research of Shia LaBeouf, we now know this is not a scientific certainty.
According to the Journal of Canoodling, a.k.a. Page Six, Shia recently struck out at New York City hotspot Beatrice Inn. Their ubiquitous spies, who seem to conduct more espionage than the CIA, say Shia was “desperately seeking a lady . . . but none of the hipster hotties were standing for it.”
Note to self: Conduct own research on whether actual humans use the phrase, “hipster hotties.”
So, down on his luck with the hipster hotties, Shia allegedly turned to one woman and whined: “How do I get a girl to go home with me?
Oh, Young Shia. Your plight reminds me of a wise saying I once found in the depths of a Panda Express fortune cookie: “Because of your melodic nature, the moonlight never misses an appointment.”
No! Wait! My bad, it was the OTHER side of the fortune that applies here:
“Ask not how you can get into her pants, but how you can get her to wear beer goggles.”
No need to thank me for imparting my wisdom, Shia. A pile of cash wired into my account after you cash your Indiana Jones check will suffice.
Nice writing style. I will come back to read more posts from you.
Susan Kishner
April 21st, 2008 at 2:30 pmI’m sorry to see Circus Hour go but it seemed to be spliting your audience instead of concenrating it…or adding to it.
For the most part I’m a celebrity news, music, sex information and general news guy. Sex sells, and everybody loves the sexyness of sexed-up Hollywood and the music industry–it is just a fact. I think much has to do with people’s need for escapism…giving us a chance to flee from the real world and distract ourselves with the glamorous life so that we can forget outr own mondane lives or compare our personal failings to others, especially celebrities–in that way, we seem, less freaky–less alone…and less the failure as individuals because other have it worse than even us. People like the fantasy.
Well, you have my fullest support Candy. You are onto something…I feel it. Something that could go very big!!! Keep up the good work!!!
April 21st, 2008 at 2:52 pmSusan, look forward to seeing you around the site.
Thanks for your ongoing support, Zip. You make a lot of valid points.
Now if only I could overcome these darn technical difficulties to actually POST some stories today, we just may be back in business!
xoxo,
April 21st, 2008 at 6:00 pmCandy
All will be well!!! I’ll post your site address on some other celeb news and gossip sites!!! Good luck!!! You Rock Candy!!!
April 21st, 2008 at 6:43 pmBeer goggles; PERFECT for getting the ladies to come home.
OR, MAYBE, they heed your earlier advice to skip on his peen, due to insect-like qualities.
April 21st, 2008 at 7:34 pmEither way, brillo pad is best.
I know when I see a guy in beer goggles, my clothes fall off. Those men are just all types of class and elegance.
April 21st, 2008 at 8:43 pmShia should get it while he can, because pretty soon the devil is going to come looking for the soul that Shia must have sold to become famous.
April 21st, 2008 at 9:17 pmI wouldn’t want to run my hands through a Brillo pad either. Ouch.
April 21st, 2008 at 9:52 pmit seems like Shia LaBeouf’s popularity has skyrocketed in the last year or so
June 18th, 2008 at 10:05 am