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In news that should make men flush with excitement, researchers have found that men who masturbate frequently are at a reduced risk of prostate cancer. According to studies conducted by the Cancer Council of Victoria, carcinogens may build up in the prostate if men do not ejaculate regularly.
Beating cancer by beating off! Helpful information to have in-hand.
Sexual intercourse may not have the same effect, however, because it increases the risk of contracting a sexually transmitted disease, which could actually raise the risk of cancer.
Now heard through the bathroom door in households around the world:
MOM: What’re you doing in there for so long, Johnny?
JOHNNY: Increasing my life expectancy! Geesh.
This means Carrot Top can expect to live quite a long life.
April 23rd, 2008 at 9:48 pmWell, I guess this means that I’ll never get cancer since I beat off probably over 10 times a day???!!!
April 23rd, 2008 at 10:02 pmW/E.
April 24th, 2008 at 12:40 amI so wanted to take the high road, but goddammit!! I can’t take any more of his drivel!!!!
NO ZIP-
April 24th, 2008 at 4:06 amYou are confused! You are NOT a testosterone-charged Sexy Beast, needing to beat off ten times a day! People want to BEAT YOU at least ten times a day!
AARRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!
Vern,
If only you were a man, you could just beat off and beat off and beat off to release all that pent up aggression.
…Poor Carrot Top–imagine having to live a longer life looking at that face in the mirror every day!
April 24th, 2008 at 6:01 amMid,
April 24th, 2008 at 6:46 amCould I use Carrot Top to beat ZIP?
hey vern, leave my boy zip be. he just needs a special lady to change his solo sessions to an agreeable duality. i sense a little chemistry betwixt the two of you…?
April 24th, 2008 at 8:36 amDamn Big Joe,
April 24th, 2008 at 9:06 amyou made me laugh with that comment.
thanks!
Vern,
Once again, a brilliant comeback. You have my blessing–just make sure you get it on video, and submit it to Yale for your graduate art project, eh.
April 24th, 2008 at 9:08 amAunt J is laughing so hard at all these comments!
April 24th, 2008 at 10:18 amwhat about that guy who has regular sex with his picnic table? I imagine his defense lawyer is eating this up. although the risk of splinters probably makes up for the lack of risky STDs.
April 24th, 2008 at 10:19 amHey Big Joe Thanks. I’m not a testosterone filled guy as Vern suggested that I might be trying to forward–in fact, I think I’m lacking it. I believe I just lost my girlfriend today. She is a sweetheart really, but it seems that things are impossible. I can’t support her. She doesn’t ask for that, rather the opposite…but to me, that is unacceptable as she deserves better, so I gave her, her freedom, that is, if as I suspect, that she really wants it? I’m good with knowing those things–I have always been a little psychic.
As to what I said about masturbation, it’s is true…but as you said, finding the right girl, and her finding me would alter a lot of that…but that’s where miracles come in…and God is not handing many out these days.
April 24th, 2008 at 12:09 pm“Recommended by the Surgeon General”—LMAO!! My boyfriend better not try that excuse with me!!
April 24th, 2008 at 12:41 pmJavelin: LMAO what a great defence for picnic table-shagging dude. Pity bicycle-bonking Scottish guy was already convicted last year, maybe he can appeal though?
April 26th, 2008 at 12:03 am