Everything I know about hooking I learned from Pretty Woman and, as it turns out, it’s NOT all about wearing thigh-high boots, sitting on faxes and telling off snooty Rodeo Drive sales women in the BEST MOVIE SCENE EVER.
Really. It’s not.
According to the two instructional books, The Internet Escort’s Handbook Book 1 and (you guessed it) 2, written by former Internet call girl Amanda Brooks, there are many issues to consider when launching your own escort business. Chapters include: “Are You A People Person? How Can You Become One?”; “Your Personal Appearance: Breasts; Weight And Proportions; Hair; Stretch Marks; Teeth and Breath,” “The Period Question,” and, of course, “Ejaculation (Face or Specific Body Part).”
I know, I know… I’m thinking the same thing. Teeth? I assumed the answer to that one was always NO, DEAR GOD, NO!
The college graduate-turned-hooker-turned author, who just turned 29, has no regrets about her chosen profession, saying, “How did I feel working as an escort? Happy, satisfied, in control of my life; wealthy, healthy, at peace with myself, free, successful and I slept like a baby every night.”
Hmmm. If she was sound asleep every night, she couldn’t have been very good at her job.
I’m all for Freedom of Profession, so I’m not going to judge her career path, but I’m also for Freedom of Laughter (also known as the Eighteenth Amendment, which is definitely a joke) — which is why I’d like to share a few excerpts from book reviews written by Amazon readers:
Lionel from San Diego, CA writes:
“I am a married man and I have more respect for these women after reading this book.”
(CANDY: Yes, I’m sure that’s “respect” you’re feeling.)
“Muse” from San Antonio, TX writes:
“I have to say that Ms. Brooks hit it on the head!”
(CANDY: That, she did.)
Holden Caulfield from Bend, OR writes:
“If you are considering this line of work this book should be the Genesis of an escort Bible.”
(CANDY: It’s no surprise you’re from a town called “Bend.”)
“I slept like a baby every night.”
Your assumption simply suggests you are childless. “Slept like a baby” generally translates to “got up every fifteen to thirty minutes to do something.”
Which, in the context of her profession, either (1) makes sense (she wants turnover, as it were) or (2) hints that she worked with a specific clientele, and did not endeavor to solve their problem.
April 25th, 2008 at 8:05 pmIf she’s so proud of her “profession”, why she keep calling herself an “escort” instead of a “prostitute”, which is what she actually does?
April 25th, 2008 at 9:12 pmWho knew “The Catcher in the Rye” was autobiographical? Anyway it’s good to see reviewer Holden Caulfield recovered from his nervous breakdown and has forsaken NY for the Pacific Northwest. I do hope he is able to get jiggy with prozzies these days rather than making up some lame excuse about surgery on his clavicle.
April 25th, 2008 at 10:59 pm1) What about asking woman about other body odors like vaginosis??? Condom or no condom???
2) What about The failure rates of condoms, 1 out of every 5 to 6 times they are used, per sexual act?
3) Rough sex and S&M. Yes, or no???
4) Choking during sex, or no choking (aka eroto-asphixiation)?
5) Swallow, spit, or dental dam???
6) 1 input, 2 inputs, or all 3???
7) Gang Bangs???
9) All Girl Gang Bangs???
10) Double Penetration???
11) Triple Penetration???
12) Fisting???
13) Golden Showers???
14) Circle Jerks, with you as the guest of honor???
15) Sex with objects???
16) Vaginal smoking??? Cigarettes anyone???
My point??? What seems like fun and very simple, can get really out there and out of hand–and I doubt this woman has even come close to disclosing what really goes on, and how strange it can get, and neither have I. The difference??? I’m avoiding it out of respect to Candy…but this girl, is try to sell a false fantasy…and a book!!!
April 25th, 2008 at 11:14 pmwhatever, prostitution is classic. I’d rather read a book explaining the MO of those penis bandits.
April 25th, 2008 at 11:49 pmafter reading zip’s post, her t-shirt now has a new meaning to me.
April 26th, 2008 at 9:42 amBig Joe = fucking hilarious!
April 26th, 2008 at 11:40 amI never even noticed the T-Shirt!!! Thanks for the head’s up Big Joe!!!
April 26th, 2008 at 12:33 pmBig Joe,
You actually read it? I kinda just skip over these things…
April 26th, 2008 at 7:20 pmmid,
i’ll always read someone’s t-shirt. but since i’m nearsighted reading the words on a female’s shirt often gets me a good kick in the teeth.
April 28th, 2008 at 7:13 am