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Candy demonstrates the benefits of drinking in moderation
In today’s international alcoholism news — which, shockingly, doesn’t include a single mention of Amy Winehouse — Florence wants to crack down on binge drinking among British and American students by introducing “pub angels” who would discourage drinkers from having one too many.
Note to self: Keep Florence off the itinerary for next European vacation.
Graziano Cioni, the councilman who proposed the plan, said the so-called guardian angels, in bright vests, would dissuade Florentines and tourists from “exaggerated drinking.” He also hopes that their presence would deter bartenders from serving drunks.
The scheme would be paid for by the bars, who would “benefit from the greater level of security” said Mr Cioni.
Oh yes, those party poopers angels will be just fabulous for business!
Other benefits of the proposed program include: a decrease in pregnancy rate; fewer “I Will Survive” karaoke performances; decline in highly regrettable text messages to ex-boy/girlfriends; and the fall of the Girls Gone Wild empire.
Would it be the fall of the GGW Empire, or would it mean that all the future releases would simply be Joe in a thong on a loop?
April 26th, 2008 at 7:18 pmI don’t drink so I’m biased in favor of the Bar Angels!!!
April 26th, 2008 at 9:27 pmCandy, I’m sending you to rehab as soon as you come back from your trip! Cioni has hired me to be your angel. Have fun and drink up till then!
April 26th, 2008 at 11:37 pmYeah I’m sure that bars are gonna looove paying for people to discourage their patrons from drinking…
April 27th, 2008 at 12:14 amGee Mid,
April 27th, 2008 at 7:27 amWhydnt ya just suggest Carrot Top on the loop?
Oh, I’m back, lala! Don’t worry — I’m just a weekend alcoholic. No problems here! (Writes Candy as she chugs water to recover from previous night.)
April 27th, 2008 at 9:56 amVern,
Oh, Mr. GGW empire overload Joe Francis wouldn’t agree with your comparison! According to him, he’s quite handsome with the ladies–every last drunken one of them.
Maybe there could be taped 3-ways, of Joe, Carrot Top, and the Hoff?
April 27th, 2008 at 10:30 am*overlord
April 27th, 2008 at 10:31 amMid-
April 27th, 2008 at 11:43 amThe orange puff and the vile misogynoff
boff the Hoff!?????
Cough! Cough!
heh heh!
… Too much??? Should we replace the Hoff with Jesus Cruz?
April 27th, 2008 at 12:37 pmWe need to start directing our own low-budget porn!
April 27th, 2008 at 12:37 pmUh, yeah, because people are rational when they’re drunk…
April 27th, 2008 at 2:51 pm(’angel’ in brightly colored vest): Miss, i think you’ve had too much, perhaps you shouldn’t order another
HGL: PAAAARRRRTTAAAAYY!
a real pub angel would just pay the tab and give you a piggy back ride home.
April 27th, 2008 at 8:40 pmThere is something phallic about that bottle and those straws. Could drinking be a metaphor for other interests??? Hhhhmmm???
April 27th, 2008 at 9:12 pmI have that 80’s song stuck in my head: “Send me an-gelll (oo oo weee oooo), send me an an-gell (oo oo wee oooo), right nowww, riiight nowww(!)….(duhn duhn duhn duhn DUHN)!
Oh, and Candy, that Larry King fakuote gets me every time!
April 28th, 2008 at 10:03 amSend Me An Angel, By Real Life:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D6zBjYIyz-0
April 28th, 2008 at 12:44 pm