When I hear the word “humility,” I think of Gandhi’s humble cloth. Machiavelli. Me leaving the hair salon today, pretending not to notice as passersby admired my fresh, bouncy blow-out.
And, of course…
Kanye West.
After Entertainment Weekly had the audacity to give Kanye’s “Glow in the Dark” tour a — GASP! — B+ review, Kanye blogged about it in his usual humble manner. Here’s what he, and I, had to say:
KANYE: FUCK ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY I’M SICK OF YALL SHIT!!!
CANDY: Oh, dear. I sense there are going to be some punctuation issues.
KANYE: Yo, anybody that’s not a fan; don’t come to my show. For what?! To try and throw ya’ll two cents in? Ya’ll rated my album shitty and now ya’ll come to the show and give it a B+. What’s a B+ mean? I’m an extremist. It’s either pass or fail! A+ or F-!
CANDY: Wait — there’s an F-Minus? So I DIDN’T get the lowest grade in Phys Ed? Woo-hoo!
KANYE: You know what, fuck you and the whole fucking staff!!! I know I shouldn’t dignify this with a comment, but the reviewer threw a jab at all the artists. I just wanna know when was the last time you enjoyed yourself. If you can’t have fun and lose yourself at this tour it’s a good chance you’re a very miserable person. I actually feel sorry for you guys. Your job forces you to not have fun anymore. Grab a drink, holla at some nice girls, and party bitch!!
CANDY: “Holla at some nice girls.” Hmmm… Was that you in the pick-up truck driving by Fairfax and Sunset this morning, Kanye? I simply swoon when men holla that I should “lift up my shirt!”
KANYE: You don’t know shit about passion and art. You’ll never gain credibility at this rate. You’re fucking trash! I make art. You can’t rate this. I’m a real person. I’m not a pop star. I don’t care about anything but making great art. Never come 2 one of my shows ever again, you’re not invited and if you see me…BOW!! This is not pop, it’s pop art!
CANDY: Yes, good thing you don’t care! I agree; music and other forms of art are beyond a pedestrian grading system. That’s why you refuse to accept any Grammy or MTV Music Awards!
Er… never mind.
Ahh Kanye. Sweet humble Kanye. What are we gonna do with that little rascal.
May 3rd, 2008 at 1:41 amHis English Professor mum must be looking down from heaven and glowing with pride! I don’t really care when Kanye’s huge ego through his mouth though. He’s a legend for having the balls to state “George Bush doesn’t care about black people” on that NBC Hurricane Katrina fundraiser. I just loved how they cut to “less uppity negro” Chris Tucker. It was a defining moment in the coverage of the tragedy.
May 3rd, 2008 at 6:13 amI love how Kanye’s head looks larger than his body frame. Fucking twit. I like Kanye’s music, but he acts like he’s the second coming of Jesus. Pathetic.
May 3rd, 2008 at 8:06 amI hate this dude. Get over yourself. Yesterday.
May 3rd, 2008 at 4:20 pmthe big head is a nice touch.
love your avatar, holy terror!
May 3rd, 2008 at 4:37 pmThanks Martini!
May 3rd, 2008 at 6:00 pmMethinks tho dost protesteth too much!
May 4th, 2008 at 3:00 amVern: *gasp, can’t breathe* snicker, snort, snerk *gasp*. In related news: “Heidi Montag - get thee to a nunnery!”
May 4th, 2008 at 10:41 amP.S. Holy Terror - don’t know if you saw my post a couple of days back when it debuted but I also LOVE your avatar - the cigarette is very rakish.
May 4th, 2008 at 10:54 amYeah Holy Terror-
May 4th, 2008 at 12:24 pmthat is the perfect avatar- but! is that a picture of Robert Blake as a baby?
PS: Brit Bit-
May 4th, 2008 at 12:43 pmChortled and Snortled at the Whorsey Mundane line-nunnery indeed!
Was that written in English??
May 4th, 2008 at 2:23 pmi think it’s the madcow talking.
May 5th, 2008 at 7:08 am