Feeling glib? Need to get in touch with your Inner Hubbard? Want to prepare your mind, body and spirit in case of Galactic Confederacy attack?
Of course you do!
Then it’s time for Scientology Boot Camp, where Tom Cruise reportedly sent Kat(i)e Holmes for some good ol’ confession sessions, reading and “physically challenging” purification processes.
(Sounds almost as intense as my days at orchestra camp. Almost. [Hey, we were practically forced to do non-stop scales! AND join a quartet on top of that! A miracle I even lived to tell the story.])
Of course, my frequent fun-making partner, 14 at Gallery of the Absurd, and I were unable to resist creating a brochure for this delightful-sounding camp. Here’s a look at Tom’s introduction letter:
Recreational activities will include:
- Arts & Crafts: Wig-Making with John Travolta
- Alien Spirit and SP Hunting
- Relay Races to The Bridge of Total Freedom
- Fun with Lawsuits and Threatening Letters
- Habitat for Humanity Against Xenu: Bunker Building
- Middle Finger Stretches with Kirstie Alley
For yet more activities and the rest of the brochure, check out GOTA.
Not sure I can afford this. Back to band camp!
May 5th, 2008 at 2:33 amI’m too poo too. I guess I’ll just hang out with my local drug dealer and learn the trade–I think I’d rather get high on dope than aliens anyway.
May 5th, 2008 at 4:02 amI knew a scientologist once. She spoke very seriously about “her bridge.” And then cried when she wrote me a check for $10 that she owed me for about three months.
May 5th, 2008 at 10:44 amTalk about fucked up priorities…
wig making with john sounds like fun!
May 5th, 2008 at 11:09 amNahhh…finger stretches with Kirstie would be better, at least you’d get something to eat….welll, I mean….if you could get it away from Kirstie….maybe that bridge thingy might be fun.
May 5th, 2008 at 11:44 amVern! You must do solitary confinement with the uber-heterosexual alien immediately! …then Kirstie gets to eat you!
May 5th, 2008 at 3:09 pmHilarious!
And, sadly, not far from the truth.
May 5th, 2008 at 4:10 pmAnother excellent collaboration!
May 5th, 2008 at 4:29 pmMid! Carrot top! Carrot Top! Carrot Top! Now take it back!
May 5th, 2008 at 7:23 pm