May
5
2008

Sex Questions with Candy!

Filed Under: Sexy Time

No, you haven’t accidentally landed on one of your boyfriend’s bookmarked sites…

As the horniest member of women’s magazines, Cosmopolitan, imparts its wisdom to readers with pressing sex questions, I decided to also offer MY two cents’ (which is about all my sex “wisdom” is worth):

My guy loses his erection when we change positions
Q: I like to make sex more interesting with my guy by switching positions. Unfortunately, he loses his erection when he slips out while we’re adjusting our bodies, so changing poses is difficult. Any way to fix this mess?

COSMO: Instead of making major shifts in positions, try making minor adjustments to keep your man’s member from slipping out.

CANDY: Um, when you change positions, does he also lose his view of your David Beckham poster? That could explain a lot.
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He’s way taller than me
Q: I’m really looking forward to hooking up with this guy. I like him a lot and find him very sexually attractive, but there’s a small problem. I’m 5′3″ and he’s 6′10″! Any advice on good positions for oral sex and intercourse so things can line up and my nose won’t be in his belly button?

COSMO: You’ve got nothing to worry about. Countless couples varying in size and shape have figured out ways for their bodies to mesh. As soon as you and your new guy get it on, you’ll learn to master carnal configurations that work for the two of you.

CANDY: Unfortunately, your relationship will never advance to that point, because your boyfriend’s going to be too busy setting his beers on your head. Time to move on — and to remove that Heineken from your noggin.

Why does he love doggie-style so much?
Q:For some reason, my boyfriend is really into having sex in the doggie-style position, but I totally don’t get the appeal. Plus, I hate giving him a front-row seat to my butt sticking up in the air. What is it about this pose that guys are so into?

COSMO: Awww, doggie-style. Guys have been enjoying this position since the days when we gnawed on saber-toothed-tiger bones and dragged our girlfriends around by their hair. In fact, that’s a major reason for its widespread appeal — the position is so primal that it brings us back to our animalistic roots.

CANDY: Actually, it’s more of a BACK-row seat. Ha, haaaaaaa!

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4 Responses to “Sex Questions with Candy!”

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  1. Jenn F. says:

    The girl that asked the last question must be pretty daft.

    “…my butt sticking up in the air. What is it about this pose that guys are into?”

    Ummm… your butt sticking up in the air.

  2. librarian kathleen says:

    Tee hee. Here’s yet another possibility for a regular feature:

    “Candy’s Candid Comments on Carnal Conjugation.”

  3. Puppet says:

    Too fucking funny Candy! Well done chica, well done. :)

  4. danceswithpoodles says:

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