This post is rated PG-13 and Anti-Parents. Not suitable for children under 13 or my mom and dad.
As I mentioned in the premier edition of this series, I’m easily confused by sex toys, as it’s often unclear to me whether they’re supposed to offer pleasure, blend my margaritas or clean my windows. So, being the thorough, dedicated reporter that I am, I decided to get my hands — and mind — dirty with an ongoing investigative report:
SEX TOY OR HOUSEHOLD PRODUCT?!
Let’s see if you can determine which of these are sex aids, and which are found in Target’s housewares aisle:
1. Sex Toy? Or Household Product?
1. ANSWER: SEX TOY
Nope, this flower isn’t a plug-in odor diffuser — rather, the travel-sized massager from Big Teaze Toys is meant to diffuse, um, amorousness. Guaranteed to last longer than those roses you got for Valentine’s Day.
2. Sex Toy? Or Household Product?
2. For the answer, keep scrolling…
2. ANSWER: HOUSEHOLD PRODUCT!
The only thing getting nasty with this garlic crusher…? Is your breath.
3. Sex Toy? Or Household Product?
3. For the answer, keep scrolling…
3. ANSWER: SEX TOY
Don’t try pouring this on your turkey, this is a whole ‘nutha kind of cooking: When the soy wax in this gravy boat melts, it turns into massage oil. Pouring Passion massage oil candle, Heaven Essence, $34.99. Neosporin for first-degree burns, Walgreens, $7.99.
Umm, yeah. i totally got the first 2 itmes; did not get that the third was for pouring soy sex wax on you things.
May 9th, 2008 at 8:26 pmI thought it was a Neti pot, for rinsing sinuses for purification.
Still drunk Jude Law Avatar. Sorry for the misspells!
May 9th, 2008 at 8:27 pmI wasn’t sure with the first one, but the second I was right. The third I was wrong. I got a gadget sex toy like the flower, except mine is a lipstick.
May 9th, 2008 at 8:38 pmDrunk Jude Law? Bring on the sex toys. I don’t care if they look like they belong in the kitchen. If I had a drunk Jude Law, and yes, with current hair, I could make that gravy boat sing like it was in an Andrew Lloyd Weber debacle. Directed by John Waters.
May 10th, 2008 at 12:55 amOh Mateo!
May 10th, 2008 at 5:37 amYou are such a tease!
I don’t need no sex toys when I got Trent Reznor!
May 10th, 2008 at 7:13 amI didn’t get any of them. How is that damn flower supposed to work anyway????????
Trent Reznor is a very thick man Midevil, ya’ like that kinda thang????
May 10th, 2008 at 10:43 amMy apologies to all the “Musical Theatre Lovers” out there, Alan Menken writes of singing kitchen items that double as sex toys. Not Sir Weber.
May 10th, 2008 at 11:15 amI believe the flower is for the clitoris, but it looks quite big to be just for that.
May 10th, 2008 at 11:37 amDemon Kitty, Oh yes, yes I do!
May 10th, 2008 at 11:40 amThe 1st one gives “Flower Power” a whole new meaning.
May 10th, 2008 at 2:40 pmthe flower looks like it could cause some damage.
May 10th, 2008 at 3:38 pmI love garlic cooters.
May 10th, 2008 at 7:05 pmLOL@ Indian, PLease! You made my day. When you eat garlic, it does go straight to the genitals and everywhere else. I suppose everyone thinks they are a better person for knowing that.
Midevil, I saw a picture of Trent in his robe with his dick hanging out. It was kinda of scare-RAY, but I think you’d like it!
By the way, that gravy boat kinda looks like a bidet.
May 10th, 2008 at 8:24 pmDemon Kitty,
Send the pic over pronto!
May 11th, 2008 at 8:57 amI’d have to scour the internet for it. Oh man. Please don’t make me.
May 12th, 2008 at 7:03 pm