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This post is rated PG-13 and Anti-Parents. Not suitable for children under 13 or my mom and dad.
As I mentioned in the premier edition of this series, I’m easily confused by sex toys, as it’s often unclear to me whether they’re supposed to offer pleasure, blend my margaritas or clean my windows. So, being the thorough, dedicated reporter that I am, I decided to get my hands — and mind — dirty with an ongoing investigative report:
SEX TOY OR HOUSEHOLD PRODUCT?!
Let’s see if you can determine which of these are sex aids, and which are found in Target’s housewares and cosmetics aisles:
1. Sex Toy? Or Household Product?
1. ANSWER: SEX TOY
Don’t try applying this to your face — the Grrl Toyz Incognito Tickling Dust Brush provides multi-speed vibrations, as well as a whole ‘nuther way to put color on your cheeks.
2. Sex Toy? Or Household Product?
2. ANSWER: HOUSEHOLD PRODUCT
I wouldn’t recommend using the Babyliss Nose and Ear Hair Trimmer on your nether regions — unless, of course, the region has grown jungle-like.
3. Sex Toy? Or Household Product?
3. ANSWER: SEX TOY
Introducing “I Rub My Wormie,” which is billed as “quiet and waterproof!” Of course, that won’t be true when you’re crying hysterically with laughter — or sadness — over the fact that you’re bumping uglies with a plastic worm.
Hey, if we wanted that, we’d just get busy with Danny Bonaduce.
Candy, you are hilarious! But I was right on two of them. The first one is quite… surprising!
May 23rd, 2008 at 1:33 pmI only got the worm right. I’m not sure what that says about me? Forget it, I don’t want to know!!
May 23rd, 2008 at 2:24 pm“I Rub My Wormie”???
We must truly be in the End Times.
May 23rd, 2008 at 3:00 pmCandy: you are responsible for a criminal act: wanton alcohol waste. I just spat a gobful of wine out at your brilliant zinger “Hey, if we wanted that, we’d just get busy with Danny Bonaduce.” He’ll always be “The Very Hungry Caterpillar” in my mind from now on.
Need a gift for Sharon Stone? I suggest getting her the Babyliss Trimmer or alternatively a Black “n” Decker hedge trimmer. This is based on the stubbly upskirt shots of her Va-Jay-Jay in Cannes this week. Nasty!
May 23rd, 2008 at 10:00 pmStill celebrating masturbation month with “I rub my wormie.”
May 24th, 2008 at 1:45 am“I rub my wormie” has got to be another sign of the apocalypse.
May 24th, 2008 at 1:00 pmyeah worms usually factor in my sexual fantasies as do the odd beetle and spider.
May 24th, 2008 at 8:02 pmSharon Stone flashes her vadg again??????
I missed it????!!!!
The mere idea of Danny Bonaduce practically made me toss my omelet. I should not come here after I eat.
May 26th, 2008 at 8:36 pm