That especially horny member of the family of women’s magazines, Cosmopolitan, has published men’s “all-time favorite mattress moves.” That’s right, ALL-TIME FAVORITES!
Here’s what they — and I — had to say:
HENRY: Rub my penis against your lips like you’re applying lipstick.
CANDY: Oh, I’m not falling for that ol’ “moisturizer” line again!
JAKOB: “Once, my office phone rang, and when I answered, I heard my girlfriend at home moaning about how good it feels to touch herself.”
CANDY: Unfortunately, she forgot to ask if she was on speakerphone.
EDDIE: “Do what my first girl did: Moan my name while I pleasure you.”
CANDY: Alright, but I must warn you: It’ll make me think of the dog on Frasier. Which will cause laughter, and nobody wants that when they’re naked. Or being pleasured.
LOUIS: “Wear silk gloves or a cashmere scarf and rub them against sensitive regions like my treasure trail.”
CANDY: *BREAKS OUT SILK GLOVES* You got it! Nothing turns me on more than a man who says, “treasure trail.”
TY: “Seeing a woman’s lips glide over the neck of a beer bottle always makes me think of her mouth on me.”
CANDY: That’s interesting. When I glide my lips over the neck of a beer bottle, I always think — why am I sucking on this instead of the opening? Must be time for another Sam Adams!
Aunt J laughed so hard at this she almost spit out her short stack!
April 3rd, 2008 at 12:20 pm>>CANDY: That’s interesting. When I glide my lips over the neck of a beer bottle, I always think — why am I sucking on this instead of the opening? Must be time for another Sam Adams!
LMAO!
April 3rd, 2008 at 1:04 pmThe first 3 guys have it right…with Henry being the most creative and most truthful of the lot!!!
Still, they are all being rather safe and tame…save for Henry.
April 3rd, 2008 at 3:26 pmlipstick or lipGLOSS? big difference there.
April 3rd, 2008 at 4:02 pmEither way…for a man it’s about the visual. There would be no difference between the metaphor of lipstick vs. lipgloss!!! It’s about the act of creating tremendous eroticism…and creating a naughty live visual is one of those ways to stimulate a man. Vulgarity, or could be deemed offensive, can be erotic.
I even heard a girl call up a sex talk show and say that her boyfriend likes her to put lipstick on her vaginal lips before they have sex!!! I have to admit, from a male perspective…and not speaking for all males, mind you…that is a very sexy visual!!!
April 3rd, 2008 at 5:40 pmAmended:
Either way…for a man it’s about the visual. There would be no difference between the metaphor of lipstick vs. lipgloss!!! It’s about the act of creating tremendous eroticism…and creating a naughty live visual is one of those ways to stimulate a man. Vulgarity, or what could be deemed offensive, can be erotic.
I even heard a girl call up a sex talk show and say that her boyfriend likes her to put lipstick on her vaginal lips before they have sex!!! I have to admit, from a male perspective…and not speaking for all males, mind you…that is a very sexy visual!!!
April 3rd, 2008 at 5:42 pmI agree with JJ, it makes a difference. Some lip glosses come in a squeeze tube.
April 3rd, 2008 at 6:41 pmSo does some cum!!! Roll with the intended and unintended squirting ladies–trust me…men love it!!!
April 3rd, 2008 at 7:16 pmThe funniest part is that these articles are written by women!!!
April 4th, 2008 at 11:48 amOh darling, we want to believe that the articles are written by women… but don’t you think there’s a cadre of male/female/ gay/lesbian/transgendered and straight folks, who are writers,and they say in the editorial meetings: “Hey, let’s put this in the magazine! It will blow their minds!”
Frankly, it’s what I’d do if I worked for a rag such as Cosmo.
April 4th, 2008 at 4:59 pmMy problem with Cosmo is that they always pretend to be bold, blunt, and groundbreaking, sexually speaking, but in their articles, they actively leave out some of the most prominent sexual taboos that men and women are regularly enjoying in their bedrooms…and we all know what they are!!! That isn’t bold Cosmo…that isn’t blunt…and that certainly isn’t groundbreaking…that is cowardly!!!
April 4th, 2008 at 5:59 pm