Sex with Cosmopolitan and Candy

Welcome to the fifth edition of “Sex with Cosmopolitan and Candy,” in which I respond to that especially horny member of the family of women’s magazines, as they invite sex-challenged women to “Ask Him Anything.”

That’s right: ANYTHING

Here’s what Cosmo’s male sex guru — and I — had to say:

How do I address his BO problem without humiliating him?

Q:  I really like the guy I’m seeing and sex with him is great, but he has BO - down there. He’s a bit of a hippie, so I’m not sure if he’s dedicated to hygiene. How do I get to address this without humiliating him?

COSMO:  Perhaps the best way to get your message across is to appeal to his vanity. Tell him how sexy you think it is when a guy is trimmed, groomed, and squeaky-clean. If and when he hacks off his pube dreadlocks, reward him by spending some quality time down there.  Even a dirty, pot-addled hippie would get the hint after that.

CANDY:  Camilla Alves – is that you?

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How do I interpret his mixed signals?

Q:  I’m very close to my boyfriend of six months, but when we have sex, he closes his eyes and stays silent. He says he enjoys cuddling more than sex, yet he also says he wants more excitement. How do I interpret his mixed signals?

COSMO:  Try to draw him out of his shell by telling him that it would really turn you on to gaze into his eyes during sex. Then dig a little deeper and get him to talk about what’s wrong. Clearly, he isn’t satisfied with the current sexual status quo.

CANDY:  Well, I’m no sex expert, but clearly your cuddle-friendly boyfriend is a big, raging heterosexual, which means you are not trying hard enough to arouse him.  Based on what you’ve told me about your beau, I suggest you take him to a Barbra Streisand concert or the Annual Barney’s Warehouse Sale — and see that excitement level skyrocket in no time!

Why doesn’t he look at me when we’re having sex?

Q:  When we’re having sex, my boyfriend doesn’t look at me and seems distant. It makes me worry that he’s thinking of someone else. Is he?

COSMO:  Worst-case scenario: He thinks about other women. But all guys have done this at one time or another — as have plenty of women. It doesn’t mean he wants to be with someone else; it’s just fantasizing. If he does it all the time, that’s a problem. Otherwise, it’s nothing to worry about.

CANDY:  … I’m sorry, what did you say?  I was fantasizing that we had a reader who actually wrote us with an INTERESTING problem.

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