Why, just the other day I was thinking (did you smell the smoke?), “You know what this world needs? MORE Lohans!” And now, my prayers have been answered…
If you’ve ever wondered why the Lohan kids are so, um, well-adjusted, you needn’t look any further than Papa Lohan, who just sold the story of his secret lovechild to none other than OK! magazine.
Hey, daddy’s gotta pay the child support SOMEhow!
Yep, so while Michael was separated from Dina (the first time), he had a relationship with another woman which resulted in a pregnancy. In a statement to OK!, Michael says:
“Years later [the woman] contacted me, convincing me that I was the only person she was with and that she had my child.”
If my time writing for The Bold and the Beautiful taught me anything, it’s that you ALWAYS demand a paternity test. And then switch the results if it doesn’t yield the right answer. Duh!
Michael says Lindsay’s 13-year-old half-sister — whom he’s never even bothered to meet in person — “is beginning to look a lot like Linds, with a mix of [younger brother] Cody, believe it or not.” He also sent his secret daughter a photograph of himself while he was still in Collins Correctional Facility, which he signed “Love Daddy.”
Talk about magnanimous! Poor girl. Somewhere, there’s a freckled teenager in perma-leggings (it’s genetic, trust me) going up to random men in high-waisted jeans and asking them, “Are YOU my daddy?”
Looks like Ali Lohan & her Lindsay-replacement campaign just got some stiff competition.
June 28th, 2008 at 9:48 amI predict the usurper will star in a straight-to-DVD movie called “Crouching Father, Hidden Lohan”.
June 28th, 2008 at 12:49 pmBTW does the usurper have that rare genetic condition that makes you age really quickly like her poor half-sisters?
June 28th, 2008 at 12:50 pm