DONALD: … And then I told my publicist, “I am the richest man in the WORLD! Get me the cover of Time — or better yet, Richest Man in the World magazine! Or you’re fired!”
NAOMI: Seriously?
DONALD: Oh, I’m always serious when it comes to the most important thing in the world: Me.
NAOMI: No, I mean… [...]
MARC: Oh, come on, Poshy-poo. It’s not THAT bad.
POSH: Shut up. I hate you.
ALT: We were just messing with you, love.
POSH: Shut up. I hate you AND your bejeweled turban.
ALT: No, you don’t. You love it. You want to get one for Becks!
POSH: Not [...]
MARIAH: You see this rock? It means we are in love, darlings - in LOVE!
NICK: Heh, heh. It also means I get a HUGE allowance now!
MARIAH: A head-over-heels, Hello Kitty kind of love…
NICK: The kind of love that buys you Bentleys!
MARIAH: Really, these past few weeks have [...]
From the Sex and the City world premiere in London:
SARAH JESSICA: Wow. What a prodigious premiere! This is a most auspicious, providential beginning to our ambitious theatrical endeavor. I am blessed, truly blessed…
KIM: Is she kidding us with that fucking hat?
CYNTHIA: Great. I let my tits [...]
Joel Madden and Lindsay Lohan at the Hornitos’ Cinco de Mayo party
JOEL: I…
LINDSAY: Think I’m really hot? It’s okay, everyone does.
JOEL: Well, I…
LINDSAY: Want to hook me up with Benji and CRUSH Paris? That would be so awesome, I can’t even tell you.
JOEL: No, I…
LINDSAY: … And [...]
Kendra Wilkinson, Bridget Marquardt, Hugh Hefner
and Holly Madison at the Kentucky Derby
HOLLY: I wonder if seeing me in white gives Hef any ideas?
HUGH: That white dress is swell. Jayne Mansfield really knows how to pull herself together.
KENDRA: Dude. I cannot WAIT to flash the jockeys!
HOLLY: The ribbon on my hat [...]
MADONNA: It’s your line, Justin.
JUSTIN: …
MADONNA: [UNDER BREATH] “We only got four minutes…”
JUSTIN: Um…
MADONNA: Ah, bloody hell. You look like a deer in headlights. Don’t you dare pull a Britney on me!
JUSTIN: But…
MADONNA: Is it my glutes? I know they’re as hard as [...]
CANDY IS ON A TWO-WEEK HIATUS AND WILL RETURN ON JULY 15.
HAPPY SUMMER!
"The best humor columnist living in her house!"
--Fabricated News Weekly
"As funny as Jane Eyre!"
--National Life & People Enquirer of the World
"What year is it again?"
--Larry King, CNN
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