May be the end of an American “icon,” but this is one export I’m not particularly sad to see leave.  Is there any way Annheuser-Bush can throw scrapple and Dr. Phil into the deal, too?

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Never trust a jelly-wrestling Classics major, I always say.

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It’s true, you know. In fact, I’m quite sure Tequila was also responsible for today’s Supreme Court ruling on Guantanamo — now prisoners have a shot at “fair” hearings, just as her suitors have a “Shot at Love“!
Coincidence? I think not.

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Thank god The Sun was there to cover this heartbreaking development:

Stay tuned for next week when Mum Man’s forced to change a light bulb!  A hero, he is.

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Congrats on your new life partner, Ash! Looks like he’s hung like a…
Yeah, you know where I’m going with this. Ba-da-bum!
[via Fark]

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For once, I can’t disagree with the Daily Mail.

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Wow. If this hard-hitting story had appeared in other publications, here’s what I imagine the headlines would be:
Daily Mail: ASHLEE OR JESSICA: WHO’S BREAST IN SHOW?
Us Weekly: EXCLUSIVE: Papa Joe Confirms Ashlee is Pregnant… With Healthy, Bouncing Boobs!
National Enquirer: JESS JEALOUS OF ASHLEE’S GROWING CLEAVAGE! “I’m supposed to [...]

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Well, if that were true, Donald Trump wouldn’t be on his third marriage.

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