I’d piss my pants, too, if I were constantly reminded I came from THAT womb…

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… for a hooker with too much money on her hands.
Yes, Lindsay’s line of leggings have FINALLY debuted at Intuition and, really, the only problem is figuring how how MANY to buy!  I mean, who couldn’t use a few pairs of the flattering metallic variety (only $99!) for the Labor Day family barbecue at Uncle [...]

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Lindsay is pouting because:
1)  She wants Sam to return those ugly sneakers to DJ AM or wherever the hell they came from;
2) She’s tired of keeping their relationship on the down-low — her firecrotch burns with passion for Sam and she wants the whole world to know it! (Or, at least, she hopes it’s passion [...]

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Why, just the other day I was thinking (did you smell the smoke?), “You know what this world needs?  MORE Lohans!”  And now, my prayers have been answered…
If you’ve ever wondered why the Lohan kids are so, um, well-adjusted, you needn’t look any further than Papa Lohan, who just sold the story of his secret [...]

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There are countless age-old questions and more contemporary dilemmas with which philosophers will eternally grapple. What is consciousness, for example.  Do we have a “free will”?  Do advances in biotechnology threaten our moral values?  Jen or Angelina?
And, of course…

Hickey or Firecrotch Burn?
[Photo Source]

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Happy Mother’s Day to all you hot mamas out there!
As you put your feet up and grab a glass of much-deserved wine, CandyKirby.com would like to share an exclusive look at heartwarming Mother’s Day cards that celebrities gave to their mothers today:

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Lindsay Lohan has knee pads on her new line of leggings because:
1) They really come in handy during Dina’s “negotiations” with agents and producers;
2) Of all the time she spends praying to the porcelain god in Hollywood clubs;
3) She’ll soon be begging for a job on her hands and knees;
4) Well, [...]

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