LEFT:  Paris Hilton after getting an oh-so-natural-looking spray tan
RIGHT:  Mr. Hankey, The Christmas Poo starring in the South Park Christmas pageant

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Paris Hilton gracefully falling down the stairs at a salon yesterday.

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Paris Hilton, who goes through dogs faster than tubes of Vagisil (well, almost), was actually DE-NIED by a pet store, which told her, “No puppies for YOU!”
Yessir, Paris was on her way to a photo shoot and “wanted a puppy in the picture with her so it would look cuter.” Another way of achieving [...]

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LEFT: Paris Hilton hawking her new fragrance, Can Can, in London
RIGHT: My cousin Julie’s wedding cake in Cincinnati, Ohio, where the bride had a few too many lemon drop shots

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LEFT: Paris Hilton at the launch of her new hair extension line for Sally Beauty Supply in NYC
RIGHT: A light bulb that hasn’t been screwed nearly as many times as its twin

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The United States of America. A great nation to which people flock because hard work is rewarded here. Also, because of our unparalleled technological advances such as the hands-free beer helmet.
And no one epitomizes the American Nightmare Dream more than Paris Hilton, who hasn’t let lack of discernible talent or passion for anything [...]

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The most awesome part about Paris Hilton’s fake hair, “The Bandit,” is:
1) It’s got the same name as a dog with its own MySpace page;
2) Free crabs with each purchase!;
3) “Every Time” is spelled incorrectly;
4) Raquel Welch is gonna have to bust a cap in Paris’ ass now;
5) None of [...]

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If Los Angeles is known for anything, it’s for it’s hard-hitting journalism, as evidenced by our local female anchors who deliver the latest in news, sports and weather wearing halter tops and leather micro-minis. And now the Los Angeles Times continues to raise the bar with an investigative piece getting to the heart of [...]

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