Salma Hayek and French billionaire Francois-Henri Pinault have called off their engagement because:
1)  Pinault finally realized he’s too good-looking for her;
2)  Irreconcilable remote control issues:  She likes American Gladiators, while he wants to watch Gossip Girl;
3)  She got tired of him hunting “those pesky wabbits“;
4)  Well, Salma doesn’t need any more of his baby batter [...]

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Solange Knowles wore THIS to her birthday party because:
1)  Beyoncé hand-picked it for her from House of Deréon’s “The Great Pumpkin” collection;
2)  She often feels like the rose between two thorns (ahem, B and Mama);
3)  She wanted an excuse to go up to people and ask, “Orange you glad to see me?”;
4)  Some people get [...]

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Heroes co-stars Kristen Bell and Hayden Panettiere are laughing because:
1) They just wrote on the bottom of the cabinet: “Everyone enters through the back door at the Paris Hilton”;
2) Mmmm…. markers…
3) They just saved a bunch of money on their car insurance by switching to Geico;
4) They’re in the middle [...]

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Which one gets your vote as THE worst?

1. Clay Aiken
2. Rachael Ray
3. Britney Spears
4. Tom Cruise

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The most “interesting” part of this photo is:
1) Suri obviously cut Katie’s bangs;
2) Katie is proudly showing off Tom’s baby bump;
3) Even after staring at them for fifteen minutes, you’re STILL not sure which is which;
4) Katie’s wearing a wool coat when it’s 75 degrees here in L.A.;
5) That’s the [...]

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This post is rated PG-13 and Anti-Parents. Not suitable for children under 13 or my mom and dad.
As I mentioned in the premier edition of this series, I’m easily confused by sex toys, as it’s often unclear to me whether they’re supposed to offer pleasure, blend my margaritas or clean my windows. [...]

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The most uncomfortable part of this picture in Miley’s so-called “artistic” Vanity Fair spread is:
1) It means even MORE Hannah Montana publicity, coverage, nightmares;
2) Somewhere, Papa Joe is lamenting, “Damn! Why didn’t I think of that?!”;
3)  It’s only a matter of time before fellow Disney stars Donald, Huey, Dewey and Louie follow [...]

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The most awesome part about Paris Hilton’s fake hair, “The Bandit,” is:
1) It’s got the same name as a dog with its own MySpace page;
2) Free crabs with each purchase!;
3) “Every Time” is spelled incorrectly;
4) Raquel Welch is gonna have to bust a cap in Paris’ ass now;
5) None of [...]

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