Which food mascot is most likely to give you nightmares:

1. The Tohato Pepper for spicy Japanese potato crisps
2.  The Burger King
3. The Quizno’s Rodent/Hamster/Dancing Hairball Thing
4.  Ronald McDonald

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This man is thinking what as he looks at J.Lo?
1) Dear god, I think I see Marc’s head peeking out of that bag;
2) When did Mary-Kate get so tan?
3) Duu-uude. Know what would REALLY make her outfit? A cord for her sunglasses — just like mine!;
4) I hope she’s [...]

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How are Britney Spears and Mel Gibson spending their time together in Costa Rica?
1) Planning Britney’s comeback as Mel’s co-star in the movie sequel, “What Women Really Want : Cheetos & Marlboros”;
2) With Mel doing nightly tequila shots off Britney’s “sugar tits“;
3) Scoffing at all the fools in this world who [...]

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A Florida judicial circuit spokesperson says Hulk Hogan did not have to remove his bandana while testifying on behalf of his son because “It would have caused a big scene to have him take it off.” However, the REAL reason that Hulk-Ho didn’t have to take it off is because:
1) The judge was [...]

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Lindsay Lohan has knee pads on her new line of leggings because:
1) They really come in handy during Dina’s “negotiations” with agents and producers;
2) Of all the time she spends praying to the porcelain god in Hollywood clubs;
3) She’ll soon be begging for a job on her hands and knees;
4) Well, [...]

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Zoe Kravitz is dressed like this because:
1) Lindsay Lohan stole her original blouse;
2) She thought it would be fun to fashion something out of her dad’s church shirt;
3) It was the classiest ensemble she could find in the Heidiwood collection;
4) She’s attending an ’80s party, so she paired Madonna’s cone bra [...]

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My Little Pony is thinking what as she hangs out with Elisabeth Hasselbeck?
1)  I thought this show was called “My Little Pony Live” — “Not My Little PHONY Live”!;
2)  Bitch stole my look;
3)  Ugh, I KNEW I should’ve taken that Teletubbies gig instead;
4)  Tomorrow’s Hot Topic:  View co-host trampled by giant pink horse…;
5)  None of [...]

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This dog is taking a whiz on Natalie Portman because:
1) He saw The Other Boleyn Girl;
2) He’s marking his territory and Natalie is now his bitch;
3) He mistook a cut on her leg for a jellyfish sting;
4) He’s pissed Natalie chose THIS dude over him;
5) Hey, when in New York…;
6) None of [...]

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