Let’s face it. We’ve all felt like calling the police on an animal at one time or another.
For me, there was the pet hermit crab, Igor, that took a particular liking to the palm of my hand. Ouch. And my friend’s chihuahua with the Napoleon Complex that COMPLETELY mauled my right ankle [...]
Thank god The Sun was there to cover this heartbreaking development:
Stay tuned for next week when Mum Man’s forced to change a light bulb! A hero, he is.
ContinuedGrowing up, there was one topic that was always off-limits in my house. A word I dared not even utter. Something my parents considered so repugnant and unsavory, that I would have to shamefully sneak off to my bedroom to do it alone.
I am, of course, talking about farting.
Oh sure, there was [...]
ContinuedWell, I no longer feel so embarrassed about the tan lines I showed in my prom dress…
Marche Taylor got a police escort, rather than a date, at her prom for wearing this elegant “custom-made” dress to the dance.
Custom-made by whom? House of Deréon’s Haute Cout-whore collection?
As soon as Marche, 17, entered the lobby at [...]
Well, I think I’ve uncovered Comcast’s Call Center:
“Can we call you baaa-aaack?“
Good thing my grandma hung onto her rotary phone — which became outdated around, roughly, the year 1610 — because, as you can see, it has the potential to help decapitated sheep. So charitable!
Artist and phone herder Jean Luc Cornec made these Telephonic [...]
An important follow-up message for yesterday’s “Sex Toy or Household Product?” investigative report:
A Polish woman (*CANDY BITES HER TONGUE*) has landed in the hospital after a sex toy she made from a hand-held food mixer got, well, all mixed up, reports my partner in critical sex toy consumer alerts, The Sun.
Joanna Kozlowska, 31, got an [...]
Candy demonstrates the benefits of drinking in moderation
In today’s international alcoholism news — which, shockingly, doesn’t include a single mention of Amy Winehouse — Florence wants to crack down on binge drinking among British and American students by introducing “pub angels” who would discourage drinkers from having one too many.
Note to self: Keep Florence off [...]
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"As funny as Jane Eyre!"
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"What year is it again?"
--Larry King, CNN
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