Say what you want about Brangelina — but I sure wouldn’t mind grabbing a Chuck E. Cheese’s pizza with their kids. (And then returning to my place to sleep/recover for three days.)

Angelina, who’s all over the place pimping out Kung Fu Panda, tells British morning show GMTV:

“The kids are excited and they are starting to understand about me pregnant. We’ve had it before with Shiloh so they know what’s going on. Zahara pretends she’s pregnant too and says she has an animal in her tummy. She says the piggy is making her eat all the chocolate brownies! And Pax says he’s got a baby monkey inside him! So it’s really fun in our house at the moment.”

See? Those kids are really on to something! Next time I find myself gorging on Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Fudge Brownie at 2AM, I’ll just blame it on my llama fetus. Brilliant. Of course, I would NOT want to be there when Zahara finds out she’s not giving birth to a pig. Oy.

And in near-future news: The Brangelina clan adopts an orphaned Vietnamese Potbelly!

Scarlett Johansson sings live. Which really goes to show… why she’s known for her cleavage. [Dlisted]

Nice day for a blonde wedding: Ellen and Portia de Rossi are gettin’ hitched. [Evil Beet]

Gossip Trading Cards: Gary Busey is “Deranged Lunatic.” [GOTA]

Christina Aguilera flaunts her cleavage — FINALLY! She’s usually such a prude, you know? [Fatback]

Tom Cruise takes a break from playing God to play the president. Xenu says, downgrade. [Cele|bitchy]

“Pregnant Lisa Marie OUT OF CONTROL! ‘SHE’LL BE 100 LBS.’” Meanwhile, the National Enquirer OUT OF CONTROL! ‘THEY WON’T STOP USING ALL-CAPS.’ [popbytes]

The newly reunited Not-So-New Kids on the Block performing on The Today Show. Candy’s expert review: Oh, dear. [POTP]

Jack Black’s hips may be even looser than his lips. [Ayyyy!]

For once, I can’t disagree with the Daily Mail.

LEFT:  Eva Longoria going to a Cannes Film Festival party

RIGHT:  A peacock chillin’ at the Louisville Zoo

In a groundbreaking legal decision, three senior judges in England have ruled that man boobs — known in medical circles known as “moobies” or “cause for eye bleach” — are “not sexually alluring.”

Huh. And here I thought law schools already had that in their curriculum: International Criminal Law — Why Moobies are a Worldwide Crime. Guess it’s a good thing I DIDN’T become a lawyer, as Grandma Kirby  suggested to me — and this is a conservative estimate — four-hundred billion times.

To keep you abreast of this case: The court had to make the judgment after a man was convicted of voyeurism for filming another man’s chest at a public swimming pool. However, the conviction was overturned after the judges determined that a man’s breasts did not count as “private parts.”

PETE (People for the Ethical Treatment of Eyes) plans to challenge the ruling. Story developing.

A $300 bottle of Cristal, corn on the cob, and the mirror from constantly smooching with it

LEFT: Nikki Cox of Las Vegas and Nikki fame

RIGHT: My niece Rylie’s rubber duck

On the heels of a story claiming Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson were denied a threesome by a chick in Miami, comes yet another ménage à twat story about Mr. Vaughn.

CandyKirby.com: Bringing you all the hard-hitting threesome updates.

Two sisters tell Life & Style that they propositioned Vince at Velvet Margarita Cantina in L.A., but he turned them down. (Perhaps in honor of Masturbation Month?) One of the chickies recounted:

“My sister dared me to ask him to have a threesome with us. She bet me $20. On the dance floor, we made eye contact, and I pinched his butt. When he turned around, I said, ‘I just wanted to say you’re hilarious! He looked surprised and said, ‘You don’t think that’s been used on me before?’” When she invited him back to the Roosevelt Hotel for a threesome, “He said, ‘No, honey, that won’t be happening tonight’.”

Um, I’ve been to Velvet Margarita for plenty of drinks — and maybe even food once — and unless those potent Platinum Velvet Margaritas completely erased my memory (always a possibility), I’m quite certain there is no dance floor there. Oh, well. Details, details.

Speaking of irrefutable details, only CandyKirby.com has a picture of the naughty sisters:

Hard to imagine why Vince would turn down those chicks! Hubba hubba.

The Sex and the City ladies rock the red carpet in Berlin.  Meanwhile, New York City overheard growling, “Um, hello, remember me?” [Lainey]

The U.S. exports a big batch of crazy: Britney Spears and Mel Gibson head to Costa Rica together. [Celebrity Smack]

Gwyneth Paltrow opens up to V magazine while promoting Iron Man. Good thing — that movie could sure use some help. [Celeb Baby Scoop]

Kirsten Dunst out, Vanessa Paradis in, at Miu Miu. Somewhere, Vanessa is smiling, “Yeah, and I get to sleep with Johnny Depp, too.” [Gabby]

The Spice Girls have apparently been getting spicy between the sheets. [popbytes]

Janet Jackson, sushi restaurant waitress. [POTP]

Julianne Moore appears amused at the Cannes premiere of “Blindness,” which is about a town where everyone is struck with a mysterious case of sudden blindness. Well, that does sound funny! [Ayyyy!]

Twain, 42, and Lange, 59, married just six months after meeting. In 2002, Twain told People that, “Our love has always been based on friendship and compatibility,” though, she added, “we are very different.”

The Marriage is survived by a 6-year-old son, Eja D’Angelo, Shania’s portfolio of catchy, flirty country pop songs, and Matt’s totally awesome wedding-day hair.


The Relationship of Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson, which rose from the dead like Lazarus, has once again passed away from Owen’s fatal lack of commitment and Kate’s deadly attraction to older “bad boys.”

“Kate and Owen: Take 3″ was only two months old.

“It was a pretty bad breakup,” reveals an Owen pal. “Owen said it was a tough one. He definitely doesn’t want to dwell on it. He wants to put it behind him.”

Kate-N-Owen is survived by their closet of shared hair products.