A bit too subtle for my taste.  I would’ve gone with the crotchless suit and Lucite heels, but hey, that’s just me.

[Source]

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I have friends who would like to adopt a baby.  They’ve hired a lawyer.  They’ve filled out the application, which is — and I’m estimating here — about 4,729 pages long.  Their home has been inspected multiple times.  They’ve forked over an insane amount of cash.  They’ve built a Web site to show pregnant mothers just what loving parents they would be.  They continue to wait for a bundle of joy with bated breath.

And yet douchebags like the one to our left are allowed to procreate as much as they want — and name their kid PEANUT.

Somewhere, Apple Martin is wiping her brow and saying, “Phew!  That takes a load off my shoulders!”

Yes, General Hospital star Ingo Rademacher was apparently in a nutty mood and named his newborn Peanut Kai.  Better than Ingo, Jr. I guess.

So why inflict this life of inevitable torture on the little guy?

“We were calling him that when he was in mommy,” Ingo told People. “It kind of represented joy and happiness to us. It puts a smile on everyone’s face.”

Sadly, Peanut is unable to even shorten his name into something less devastating.  “Hey, Pea!  Er… Nut!  Um… hey, you!”  And can you just imagine the ramifications of this name when he’s in bed with a girl?

I think I speak for Peanut when I say people should have to apply to reproduce, as well.

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Introducing Honor Marie Warren in “OK to Pimp Out Your Kid” magazine.  [LA Times]

Sam Ronson blows Lindsay a kiss.  Awwww.  Guess that’s the only kind of blowing Lindsay’s into these days.  [Lainey]

Amanda Peet issues a not-so-sorry apology for calling anti-vaccine parents “parasites.”  [Celebrity Baby Scoop]

Mattel unveils Hitchcock Barbie.  Which is less frightening than the original Barbie.  [popbytes]

The sex of Ashlee Simpson’s baby is revealed.  Yet another step Papa Joe can cross off of his “Baby Whoring Marketing Plan.”  [Celebrity Smack]

Mini-Me discusses his trauma over the sex tape leak.  Yeah, you and me both, buddy.  [POTP]

Penelope Cruz thinks the Hollywood gossip mill is “disgusting.”  Um, does she think people are interested in celebrities for their work?  Silly girl. [Gabby Babble]

Guess who had a romp in the back of the limo before the ESPYs?  And, NO, it wasn’t me and Becks this time. [Ayyyy!]

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While discussing Jesse Jackson’s use of the N-word, The View ladies got a bit — shocker! — hot under the collar, especially — shocker! — Elisabeth Hasselbeck, who shed some crocodile tears.

Long story short:  Elisabeth doesn’t believe anyone should use the word, including African-Americans!  Whoopi doesn’t believe Elisabeth can understand her world!  And Sherri still can’t believe the world is round!

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Just nine days after giving birth to Sunday Rose, Nicole Kidman steps out looking as though she never carried a six pound, seven ounce bundle of joy and poo (seriously, my friend just had a baby and all she can talk about is the nonstop poo — fun conversations!) in her belly.  Because pregnancy weight gain is for SUCKAS!

And for, um, normal people.

Looking forward to seeing the free pictures of the adorable little pillow, er… I mean, the adorable little girl!

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Turns out, Cosmopolitan magazine isn’t the only expert on the all-important matter of how to keep a man satisfied in bed.  Luckily for us, Glamour also imparts its wisdom in the July issue’s list of “4 Crazy Sex Things Other Women Do.”

Here’s what those crazy ladies — and I — had to say:

AMY (33):  “While my boyfriend watched TV, I pranced out in a schoolgirl outfit for a striptease.  No one knows about my secret ‘wardrobe’ except for us.”

CANDY:  Well, you, and your 10-year-old niece who’s pissed your 33-year-old ass is stretching out her school uniform.

JOY (22):  “I’m pretty conservative, but my boyfriend and I tried out the sex toys he brought home one day.  The relationship is over, but those toys moved right on with me!”

CANDY:  Thus explaining why men are afraid to introduce sex toys to their girlfriends.

BRANDICE (26):  “We had sex while my family was eating Christmas dinner in the next room.  No one even noticed we were gone!”

CANDY:  What better way to celebrate the birth of Jesus than to scream out his father’s name repeatedly!

NICOLE (26)  “My boyfriend wanted to have a threesome — with another guy.  So we went for it.  Funny thing is, it turns out the boys hardly ever touched!  He chickened out, but I loved it.”

CANDY:  And now the boys are inseparable best friends who do EVERYTHING together, including showering at the gym.  How sweet, indeed.

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As you, my dear celebrity news watchers, likely already know, Josh Brolin and Jeffrey Wright were recently arrested for a bar brawl in Louisiana.  However, a teensy part of the story was left out:  the police also tasered and pepper-sprayed Jeffrey, as he lay helplessly in the street — while calling him the “N” word — and Josh was trying to make peace and standing still… as police continued to pepper spray HIM in the eyes.

All of which was caught on video.  Gotta love cell phones!

*SIGH*  Oh, why can’t they ever taser someone deserving, like Paris Hilton or Heidi Montag, while calling THEM the N-word:  No-Talent?!

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LEFT:  British “glamour model” Jodie Marsh leaving a Big Brother party

RIGHT:  American Gladiator, Phoenix, getting prepared to “shred competitors into submission”

Click below for more of the elegant Jodie Marsh, thanks to alert reader It’s British Bitch:

More…

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